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Cowboys and pioneers, come lend your eyes and ears I've got the need to testify Don't try to fill your nest out in the open west 'Cuz there's a million ways to die
Six bullets in the gut or just a paper cut Too many ways to quantify They'll cut your ankle off to cure a minor cough 'Cuz there's a million ways to die A million ways to die
It's a hundred and one in the shade of the sun If you fall asleep, you fry A million ways to die You can live like a saint but there just really ain't No avoiding a million ways to die
Smallpox and bigger pox, and deadly tomahawks Or God forbid you steal a pie They'll blast you into shards for bein' good at cards 'Cuz there's a million ways to die
Out on the desert plains it hardly ever rains And you can hear coyotes cry They'll eat you up and then they'll shit you out again 'Cuz there's a million ways to die A million ways to die
With a whoosh and a whack there's a knife in your back 'Cuz you got a fancy tie A million ways to die It's a kick in the pants but you don't have a chance Of escaping a million ways to die A million ways to die